i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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