i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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