I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
