they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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