i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
