I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
