the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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