He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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