Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize