the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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