Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
