So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
