i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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