took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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