You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
