Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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