she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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