A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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