I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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