Nicole vs. Life
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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