lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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