Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
