so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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