I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
