Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize