If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
