trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
