I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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