can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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