i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
