I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
