hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
should my penis look like a turkey
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
