This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
