It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
