try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
