Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
