I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You took a bar mat shot.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize