You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
