Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
