He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
soo... how was my night?
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