Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
