Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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