I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize