A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
