Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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