In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
