How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
