in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
