The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize