I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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