Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
