Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
