i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
