I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
