I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
