I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
