im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
