She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
