I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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