In the future we'll all be gay
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
