Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
