Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
