so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize