I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
