My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
