I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize