girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
