I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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